I have known for a long time that "clutter" bothers me. Bother is an extreme understatement. As long as I have lived "on my own" (not with my parents), I have been an avid whatever-the-opposite-of-hoarder is. So it comes as no surprise to anyone that knows me that the rooms in our home still look like the "afters" in these posts -even though we have lived here for 7 months. I long to decorate. I have great ideas and an eye for finding gorgeous things. But when it comes to making or buying "stuff" and bringing it into our home, I. just. can't. do. it.
Sounds clinical, I know and I am hoping that now, with five weeks of Celexa in my system, I can let go and work through this and make this house a home. A creatively decorated to reflect our personality home. All without just adding clutter. I think that's called decorating with purpose or authentic decorating/living... I'm sure there's a name for it.
Which brings me to what I really need help with. Destressing.
Before Celexa, I was of the eat tons of chocolate daily to calm myself down school of thinking. Which, now that I am a bit more focused, I can clearly see that in the long term, this probably hurt more than it helped. (Um, ya think?!? There I said it, you don't have to.)
No, I am trying to learn new "destressing techniques"*. Please don't say meditate, because I'm not sure what that looks like. And personally, I hate bathtubs and have an aversion to sitting in them( I know- lots of issues, lots of issues.) - so don't suggest a nice, hot bubble bath with surrounded by lit candles, even though in theory they sound lovely, even to me. And I don't like wine at all, and barely drank anything else before being on meds- I'd rather not kick it up a notch now- so tying one one or even sipping a glass of wine is out.
Here's what I've got so far...
Listen to my iPod. Even if I'm not "going to the gym", which was the reason I asked for it in the first place, which is laughable because I don't even belong to a gym. Which is a whole other story. I like music. Lyrics. And singing out loud makes me happy.
Read. Books, blog posts, the newspaper- whatever. I had gotten too antsy and unfocused... I had lost the ability to read. I've read 3 books already in the last month. Reading, I missed you!
Write. In case you haven't noticed, I'm back to posting more frequently on my blogs, I had lost the focus for even this. Now, I can't stop the ideas- there are little scraps of paper all over the house with snippets of posts jotted down on them.
Create. While, I recognize I still can't really be crafty and make something for the house, yet, I am trying to find other outlets. Being creative with projects for my daughters' classrooms has helped- along continuing to plan family gatherings and birthday parties is something I can manage right now. It's all about expectations, right?
Do you have any suggestions?
*I have explained, in the comments section,
how I see God's fingerprints on this healing time of my life.
Visit Fingerprint Fridays to read others' stories.
9 comments:
How about some ambitious cooking or baking, recipes you wouldn't normally try? That's creative, but it all gets gladly eaten, so you're not stuck with the results of your creativity.
i like the idea of cooking… that's always kind of thereapeutic for me.
i like to knit. i'm not awfully good at it, but i like to have my hands busy while is sit (which wasn't very often, but now that my kids are gone, i have a little more time in the evenings). i have a thing about just sitting. it's this need to be productive.
walking. it's a good thing to do with that ipod. a little exercise helps destress (or so i've been told). one look at my hips and you know i'm one of the most unstressed people (ie i should probably admit that i have stress and get off of my big ole backside and walk… but i don't have an ipod)
what is celexa prescribed for, if i may ask…
I so get the "lost the ability to read" part! I can't focus long enough to read much anymore, either. And I do miss it.
I also love to sing out loud - in the car especially. :)
But here's the one thing that I like to do when I need destressing. I listen. I listen to (and enjoy!) the human quiet, but try to pick up on the natural sounds around me. I listen to the fire crackling, the waves crashing, the wind blowing. Wherever I might be, I try to just stop and enjoy the connection. If I have to, I will drive to the water to hear the waves, or go to the park to hear the wind. I know it's winter and that makes it a lot harder, but if you can even find a hotel lobby with a crackling fireplace - go there! :)
Weird - but it works for me. Good luck!
Drinking coffee and reading blogs works for me. :-)
That and working out. the kids and I have been going to the gym for two weeks now, and i'm seeing some improvement on my stress level a little at a time.
Before I went to the gym, I would take a 20-30 minute walk around my neighborhood. Look at other people's yards, windows, etc. That helped me to refocus my thoughts, and calm down a little.
Of course you may ask. I orginally (and finally!) went to my doctore after 11 months of consistently building anxiety and panic attacks. You know how Oprah always says that God starts with a whisper and keeps getting louder until you finally listen? My allergic reactions in November were my shouting. After 5 weeks of struggling through that I was no longer able to deny that I was on an even enough keel to deal with life- especially the "tough times!" My doctor chose to recommend Celexa because it treats both anxiety and depression which he says he tends to find both exist in most case. I started five weeks ago and just last week adjusted the dosage and my "breakthrough medication" -for those of you who want the specifics, feel free to email me! - and I am really starting to recognize a difference- especially during the day (nighttime, more specifically bedtime, is more difficult) my "coping skills can actually work now, where before I couldn't even calm down enough to use them. I have dealt with issues in the past without meds, but THIS time, meds were the right way to go.
Stopping by from SITS - I have nothing really to add other than to hope that the meds are working and you find your balance wherever you can and one day at a time :)
looks like you are already going in the right direction. creating is therapy to me, i must hand-sew something every night. lately i've also been into watching old movies on Turner Classic movies; pretty good movies over there from the 30's and 40's- if you have cable. books are such a good idea, a way to escape.
how generous you are with the etsy goodies! so supportive of handmade.
take care, lisa
Thanks for coming by my blog on my SITS day, I really appreciated it and now I'm here to spread the comment-love!
So cool on the Etsy for followers. I'm going to follow you but I was already going to do that!
How funny that you listed "listen to my iPOD!" Mine just sits in the cradle while I work from home all day (and it sits on my desk!). I think at first it was learning how to embrace silence but now it is just pure laziness! IPOD ON!
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