I have known for a long time that "clutter" bothers me. Bother is an extreme understatement. As long as I have lived "on my own" (not with my parents), I have been an avid whatever-the-opposite-of-hoarder is. So it comes as no surprise to anyone that knows me that the rooms in our home still look like the "afters" in these posts -even though we have lived here for 7 months. I long to decorate. I have great ideas and an eye for finding gorgeous things. But when it comes to making or buying "stuff" and bringing it into our home, I. just. can't. do. it.
Sounds clinical, I know and I am hoping that now, with five weeks of Celexa in my system, I can let go and work through this and make this house a home. A creatively decorated to reflect our personality home. All without just adding clutter. I think that's called decorating with purpose or authentic decorating/living... I'm sure there's a name for it.
Which brings me to what I really need help with. Destressing.
Before Celexa, I was of the eat tons of chocolate daily to calm myself down school of thinking. Which, now that I am a bit more focused, I can clearly see that in the long term, this probably hurt more than it helped. (Um, ya think?!? There I said it, you don't have to.)
No, I am trying to learn new "destressing techniques"*. Please don't say meditate, because I'm not sure what that looks like. And personally, I hate bathtubs and have an aversion to sitting in them( I know- lots of issues, lots of issues.) - so don't suggest a nice, hot bubble bath with surrounded by lit candles, even though in theory they sound lovely, even to me. And I don't like wine at all, and barely drank anything else before being on meds- I'd rather not kick it up a notch now- so tying one one or even sipping a glass of wine is out.
Here's what I've got so far...
Listen to my iPod. Even if I'm not "going to the gym", which was the reason I asked for it in the first place, which is laughable because I don't even belong to a gym. Which is a whole other story. I like music. Lyrics. And singing out loud makes me happy.
Read. Books, blog posts, the newspaper- whatever. I had gotten too antsy and unfocused... I had lost the ability to read. I've read 3 books already in the last month. Reading, I missed you!
Write. In case you haven't noticed, I'm back to posting more frequently on my blogs, I had lost the focus for even this. Now, I can't stop the ideas- there are little scraps of paper all over the house with snippets of posts jotted down on them.
Create. While, I recognize I still can't really be crafty and make something for the house, yet, I am trying to find other outlets. Being creative with projects for my daughters' classrooms has helped- along continuing to plan family gatherings and birthday parties is something I can manage right now. It's all about expectations, right?
Do you have any suggestions?
*I have explained, in the comments section,
how I see God's fingerprints on this healing time of my life.
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